Friday, March 4, 2011


February was a month spent on the freeway looking for locations for a new series I'm writing, we just had to get out there and drive.... so Kev, me and the trusty Ratmobile hit the road yeahhhhh!!! We drove east to Arizona and Phoenix, down to Tucson, El Paso, across to White Sands New Mexico which was stunning!
Continually on the search for something fascinatin' to film, we always recce first then film later after a schedule has been put together.
We met aliens in Roswell New Mexico, visited the UFO Museum there and sounded out the locals for filmin'!
Drove to Alberquerque and then down to Lake Havasu back in Arizona to check out the LONDON BRIDGE which was exported brick by brick from the UK. They thought they'd bought TOWER BRIDGE and were a little disappointed when it was built that it wasn't what they thought they had purchased! lt was just a borin' old bridge from England...hilarious in my book! All the area around the bridge is like London complete with phone boxes with their doors off, not workin' and shops closed due to the recession!
Back in the Ratcave in L.A. we can now assess what areas to shoot and what not. MARCH means the soft toys should start appearin' in the shops, there are three different types, a talkin' me, a smaller beanie of me and a car version to stick on yer car window ....fab yeahhhhhhh!

Monday, January 17, 2011


As usual ratfans I was forced to attend the Golden Globes last night, the champagne flowed and I got slightly slewed as usual! Even so Ricky's routine seemed to be flat this year even after a few drinks and stuffin' me face with the free chocs on the table... a bit extreme maybe for the American patrons? I larfed me head off but very few other stars did.
The after party was good even though my old flame Fox was there with her borin' new husband which was a bit embarrassing! But old Mulligan made up for that, her hands were all over me yeahhhh!
BAFTA'S next and I have forced meeself to watch hundreds of borin' screeners just so I know what I'm voting for!! After that it's the Oscars of course which I will attend again this year yeahhhh!
Gotta try and write these blogs a bit more frequently as the last one was dated 2009 ....pathetic innit!
2011 is goin' to be a fab year we are busy editing ROLAND GOES EAST so more DVD's to come ratfans yeahhhh!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


As you all know STAPLES is an office chain of stores like Rymans. Actually do we have 'em in the UK? I think there are a few...anyway Kev applied and got a free he was very excited and I dropped him downtown at the stadium.
He said he got a free Staples Office Furniture Catalogue when he walked in tucked inside his memorial brochure so that got him even more excited. He said hello to Larry King who really didn't know where he was he, he thought Kev was from Fraggle Rock bless him...he should retire he must be at least 96!
While Kev was in the Staples Centre I went in search of some decent music at me fave record shop on Highland. Bought The National, The Dodo's and The Antler's.
Picked Kev up after the do and he was very pleased with himself, he was given a free Staples Office Wall Chart Planner as he left the venue. When he got back to the Ratcave he was in tears bless him, I said "Ohhhh are ya all emotional after all them touchin' tributes to Michael?" He said "No the wall planner's got 2008 on it!" He'd just realised it was last years!!! So no use...never mind it was nice of 'em to give 'em away, l said we could use it to catch oil drippin' from the that would be useful!!! So it was worth Kev going to the Jacko Memorial service after all cus thanks to Michael we now have an improvised oil drip tray for the RATMOBILE yeahhhhhhh!

Monday, July 6, 2009

4th July Fireworks in Hollywood....

Fab firework displays all over The City of Angels this year.
Kev and I were talkin' about 'Bonfire Night' back home and what a strange tradition that is! Why on earth we feel the need to celebrate every year the fact we stopped some nutter blowing up the Houses of Parliament is quite beyond me.
Mention this strange British tradition to Americans and they can't understand why we should bother and I have to agree. We should change it to somethin' sensible like celebrating our country..... oooh no too patriotic innit, we can't be seen to celebrate being British now can we !!
Switzerland has a special day every year where they celebrate being Swiss and borin', that's whot we need to do celebrate once a year and then we can all get kaylied!!
Americans have a deep respect for their flag whot happened in the UK with ours? We are almost embarrassed by it now cus it has other connotations don't it?
As long as every country around the globe has an excuse to let a few very expensive fireworks off once a year that's fine by me.... I like a nice spectacle, and I certainly provided one last night as Kev had me carried out to our chauffeur driven limo I was shoutin' "GOD BLESS AMERICA..RAT COCKTAILS ALL ROUND" at the top of me voice, three sheets to wind I was after our wonderful July 4th revelry YEAHHHHH!

Saturday, July 4, 2009


It's JULY 4th and the day we ignore America's day of celebrations, Kev Errol and I will be holding a wake in RATCAVE 2 in the Hollywood Hills and anyone British is welcome to come and have a rat cocktail or two..... or three for that matter and we can get kaylied YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!.
Kevin the Gerbil reckons like the American Indians we should have some land given back to us and have a 'British Reservation' somewhere in New England where we could wander round in doublet and hose. Anyone British could live there we could have Tesco's and a chip shop on every corner and pubs everywhere and millions of surveillance camera's but it would be our bit of land given back to us by the Yanks yeahhhh!

I shall write a note to my mate Obama about this an’ tell him I ain’t writing no more of his speeches unless he addresses the matter!
Today's OBAMA speech (part of) quote:

Friday, July 3, 2009

RATNEWS ...First RATBLOG Friday 3rd July 2009 L.A.

Yes at last ratfans that multi talented rodent sex machine has finally put his furry paw to the keyboard and created a blog YEAHHHHHHHHHH!
Here in Hollywood we are gettin' ready for the big celebrations for JULY4TH Independance Day, of course Kev, Errol and I ain't got nuthin' to celebrate cus we gave into them pushy Yanks after bringing culture to these shores. What thanks do we get ? Nuthin' just sent packin' we were!!!
So July4th is more of a wake to me and I shall be remindin' as many Yanks as I can that we gave into them so they should think themselves lucky.
Just think if we hadn't been booted out McDonalds wouldn't have happened and there would probably be chains of Wimpy's everywhere yeahhhh! American police would carry wooden sticks instead of guns!
Immigration would have to respect us instead of tryin' to stick me in quarantine every time I leave the country, then I wouldn't need to enter America thru them Mexican tunnels at the border anymore!!!
Anyway I'm off to buy a few illegal Mexican fireworks..... light the touch paper preferably wearin' a tin helmet YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!